Marriage is one of God’s most profound gifts, designed to bring honor, unity, and growth to both partners. Proverbs 12:4 paints a vivid picture of the dynamics within a relationship—showing how a woman’s actions and attitudes can either build up or deeply wound the partnership. Are we creating an environment of mutual honor and respect, or are there areas where restoration is needed?
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4
A crown symbolizes honor, status, royalty, and authority. When a wife is described as a crown to her husband, it means she brings him even greater honor through her character and the way she relates to him. She becomes an invaluable, honorable addition to his life. By respecting his authority, she empowers him to walk confidently, with his head held high, knowing that others view him as highly esteemed because of her words and actions.
If you are married, does your husband walk confidently when you are with him? Does he need to that you intend to be his helpmate and you are not expecting him to follow you and stay in step with you?
Furthermore, an excellent wife doesn’t bring her husband shame. He doesn’t have to worry about her actions, words, or whether she speaks poorly of him behind his back. Instead, she builds him up and reinforces his integrity. She honors him with her attitude, her actions, and her words.
I often see women waiting for their husbands to act like kings before they show them honor or be crown on his head. But as wives, when we are in the right place with the Lord, He calls us to take a step of faith by honoring our husbands where they are—not where we think they should be. Of course, this doesn’t mean overlooking gross sin or enabling destructive behaviors. But often, the enemy uses unmet expectations to sow seeds of discontentment and tension in a marriage. A critical part of honoring our husbands is being quick to forgive. Forgiveness prevents bitterness from taking root in our hearts.
Proverbs 12:4 gives a sobering warning about the damage a wife can cause by bringing shame to her husband. It describes this shame as “rottenness to his bones.” The way we live and interact with our husbands has the power to bring great honor—or deep shame—that affects them at their core.
It’s easy to say, “I love you,” but the deeper question for us as wives is, “Can you respect him?” For many men, respect is a crucial aspect of love and relationship.
So, how are you building today? Are there areas in your marriage where you’ve been tearing things down and need restoration? If you are a wife, does your husband see you as a crown on his head?