Friendships are a great blessing from the Lord. To have people who love and care about us is a great privilege. When friendships are healthy and Godly, they are life-giving and edifying, but when friendships become fleshly and carnal, they can wreak havoc in people’s lives.
The challenge with any relationship is that it is ever changing, and as a result we need to discern the quality of the relationship. Some friendships can start very well and go on for years healthy and strong but due to circumstances or change of heart turn toxic and ungodly. On the other hand, a friendship can begin rocky, but over time when each person is willing to take responsibility for his or her own actions, the friendship can become stronger and richer.
The scripture has great wisdom to share with us in the area of friendships. It gives us insight into healthy friendships versus unhealthy friendships. In this devotional, I will share some of the elements that make a friendship unhealthy.
A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends. Proverbs 16: 28
Spiritual Commentators
When we are in a friendship that each person finds the freedom to talk with no restraint and share anything about anyone, that’s a carnal and toxic relationship. These kinds of relationships have no problem being their own self-appointed spiritual or life analysts where each person feels the freedom to share their commentary about other people’s affairs. Individuals can be very comfortable to step outside of their boundaries into someone else’s. This is dangerous and ungodly, and it will cause division!
Whisperers
The scripture has something to say about whispering in each other’s ears. Whispering in each others’ ears has to do with keeping something private or secret. If the majority of what we share with our friends is in the form of whispering, then the relationship has become perverse, and we have allowed inappropriate conversations to rule our friendships.
Protectors
One of the tricks of the enemy is that he brings a person into our life who acts like he/she cares about us by reporting everything they see or hear in order to protect us from the bad guys. In reality they just want to be the only ones staying close to us by putting doubt in our hearts towards others. We have to discern those spirits and not give them room to make us paranoid about people or think that we need someone to protect us from harm.
The Lord is our protector, and we don’t have to rely on man to do that for us. Jesus wasn’t worried about Judas, and He even chose to call Him friend. He wasn’t looking for armor-bearers naturally or spiritually. Peter tried to protect Him by cutting off the solider’s ear who was trying to arrest Jesus. However, Jesus rebuked Peter for doing that. God’s people should be discerning but not paranoid because that will attract a certain kinds of friends around us.
If we have a need to protect others, we should ask the following questions, “Besides loving this person, what is my true motive in protecting them?”, and “What’s in it for me?”. There may be times that the Lord is going to ask us to do it for a specific purpose. However, it will be His leading not our compulsion to jump on the opportunity to address an issue!
Pattern in relationships
It is wisdom to watch our friends in how they relate to others. Some individuals have a pattern of having issues with variety of people. Most of the time they blame others for people’s immaturity, jealousy, and so on. We should watch out for these kinds of friends. We can’t just protect friends or agree with them because they treat us well. It’s best to stay objective enough to help them see their issues. Otherwise we haven’t been a good friend to them, and they will eventually treat us like they have treated all the other people.
These are important principles that we can put to work in our lives and teach them to our children, so they can be wise in forming their relationships with others.
In the next devotional, I will share the characteristics that makes healthy friendships.