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The Lord has designed us to be relational and at the same time develop healthy boundaries around those relationships. We develop great relational problems when we don’t honor and respect our boundaries or the boundaries of others!
How do boundary-less people operate in relationships?
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God- having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth. 2Timothy 3:1-7
Some boundary-less people are passive/agreeable. They don’t honor their own boundaries and allow others to mistreat them, take advantage of them, and use them inappropriately. They continue to compromise their own honor and personhood because they haven’t learned to say, “No”, or they are afraid of losing relationships.
For example, some women can give themselves over to men for the desire to receive love, and they continue to compromise their bodies and soul in order to have a man’s attention/acknowledgement. This may be sexual or asexual. One may be agreeable with those things that are not the truth. While they may get a man’s attention for a while, he will not respect and honor her. This eventually causes hatred, bitterness, and resentment in the heart of the woman who has given herself to another man without proper boundaries. Women begin not to honor and trust themselves because their body and/or soul have been violated over and over again.
Another group of boundary-less people are controlling/dominating. They have no problem stepping into someone else’s boundary and telling them how they should run their lives. They are overconfident and intimidating. They will make it known subtly that if people don’t acquiesce to their expectation and demands, they will withdraw love or privileges. The greater authority or position the person has, the more dangerous and insidious this becomes because they can take the voice of God in a believer’s life! Some people can be a mixture of being agreeable to a few and dominating to others.
Some of the examples of boundary-less problems are: Parents trying to control their adult children, in-laws interfering in the affairs of their children’s marriages, spouses being domineering and expecting “their way or the highway”, employers having unreasonable expectations of their employees, and spiritual leaders misapplying scriptures in order to control people’s behavior and/or righteousness.
Identify boundary-less relationships in your life, and ask the Lord to show you your part in it.
“How do we develop healthy boundaries?” is the subject of my next devotional.
What is the importance of boundaries?
God is a God of boundaries. In six days of creation, He continued to create and delineate. Boundaries make things clear; they delineate an area and separate what is within bounds and what is out of bounds.
Boundaries show us what is acceptable, safe, & prudent versus what is unacceptable, dangerous, or foolish. They differentiate between our responsibility versus someone else’s responsibility.
The issues of boundaries would be simple if we lived on our own, but because we live in a community with others, there is a continual tug of war as to where our responsibility ends and someone else’s begins. The more clear we are about our boundaries, the more peaceful and healthier our relationships.
Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Genesis 1:26-28
Our Identity includes boundary
God defined and set boundaries to everything He created including our identity. God’s purpose causes His creation to have definition and boundaries. We cannot have a clear and secure identity until we understand the boundary and the definition God has designed for us.
In the beginning, God created Adam & Eve in His image and in His likeness. That means we were not created in the image of animals, trees, or mountains, but we were created in the likeness of God. While Evolutionists may consider us having evolved from animals, God has defined us by setting our definition as being God-like rather than animal-like! This has a huge ramification on our purpose and value as people!
Our body has a boundary
God has given us a body with a boundary, and we are called to take care of it and treat it well. Our Soul which makes up our mind, emotions, and will also belongs to us. No one should think, feel, or decide for us. God has given our soul to steward it according to His ways.
The Lord created humanity in male and female each with his/her own specific physiology and purpose in relating to each other. The acceptance of our gender and body can eliminate much insecurity, sexual identity problems, and food related disorders.
The scripture tells us that our body is the temple of God. Hence, we need to keep it pure from pollution, ungodliness, and sin, so the Spirit of God could comfortably reside in it. No one can exercise for us, eat healthy, or develop a skill. We are the ones responsible to do the work while God may send people to encourage us along the way.
Our marriage has a boundary
God has a set an order and boundary in marriage, and He has designated roles for husbands and wives. At the same time, He calls them “one” because if they look to Him as they do their part in marriage, where one ends and the other one begins will not be easily visible.
Our purpose has a boundary
God created a job description for Adam & Eve, which clearly defined the boundaries of their responsibility. He designated their sphere of stewardship. Adam & Eve were created to be fruitful, to subdue the earth, and to rule over all living creatures. This was a God given responsibility which came with its associated provision and ability to do it.
Boundaries provide accountability to what we are responsible for, and they also relieve us from the burdens and responsibilities that don’t belong to us.
If you are stressed, frustrated, or worried, you may need to examine your boundary lines. Make sure that you are clear as to where your responsibility ends and someone else’s begins.
I will continue with this subject in the next devotional.
How do we relate to other people in an engaging and caring manner?
Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of money, also heard all these things, and they derided Him. And He said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is highly esteemed among men is an abomination in the sight of God. Luke 16:15
As I shared in the last devotional, believers can’t operate as trial lawyers whose agenda is to just be right! We are called to respond differently. Based on the above scripture we need to pay attention to three areas:
1. Value what others share
We truly need understanding to hear someone else’s point of view whose background and life experience is different than ours. Sometimes we avoid compassion and understanding because we are afraid it may be taken the wrong way. We are worried that if we show too much sympathy, the person may surmise that we are in agreement with them.
Jesus was called “friend of sinners”. On the surface, it looked like He was ok with people’s sin because He had a relationship with them. However, Jesus did not shy away from telling people the truth. He was able to do it skillfully by picking the right time, the right place, and the right approach. He was patient with the process. God is patient with us as well. Many times, He works through a process to help us see the error of our ways.
Valuing what others share doesn’t mean we have to agree with them, but it does mean that they are heard and cared for.
2. Refrain from justifying ourselves
When we are in the mode of justifying ourselves, we are too busy protecting our interests. We are not in a position to hear someone else’s point of view neither are we open to seeing our shortcoming. Justification can become a smokescreen for a believer or a church to not look in the mirror and correct what needs attention. That’s a scary place, and the enemy would love to have a field day with that kind of person or church.
When it comes to the issue of how we handle other people’s sin, we need to make a great effort to not make it a political stance but allow it to be about God’s heart for people. For example, In John 8:1-11 a woman is caught in adultery. There was no question that adultery was wrong, but how the scribes and the Pharisees handled the woman was very different than how Jesus handled it. The religious people treated the sinner as a contagious disease while Jesus saw her as a sinner with potential to change!
3. Popularity is not the plumb line
If a person or a church believes they are right with God because they are popular or have a following, they could be terribly wrong! God is not swayed by popularity of an individual neither is He impressed by the size of a ministry. As a matter of fact, what man highly exalts, God looks down upon!
If we want to know what pleases God, we need to read our Bible and get into our prayer closet and ask the Lord on various matters. We all need to develop our own personal walk with God without following the popular trends or relying solely on spiritual leaders for our spiritual growth and well being.
Do we value and care about people with different points of view?
It is surprising that things which are clearly stated in the Bible are now up for debate among Christians. In addition, we live in an age that social media has given opportunity for millions of people to have a platform to share their ideas and opinions regardless of their validity and helpfulness to the masses.
We live in a time that it is very difficult to know who is really following Christ or who just has a form of godliness but denying His power to change lives. So how do we respond to people?
Now the Pharisees, who were lovers of money, also heard all these things, and they derided Him. And He said to them, “You are those who justify yourselves before men, but God knows your hearts. For what is highly esteemed among men is an abomination in the sight of God. Luke 16:15
The above scripture tells us that the Pharisees derided Jesus.
Deride (Webster’s Dictionary): to talk or write about (someone or something) in a very critical or insulting way: to say that (someone or something) is ridiculous or has no value
Jesus was derided by the Pharisees; they ignored and criticized His teachings. They also justified themselves among men.
When I look at the landscape of Christianity right now, it seems to me that we can all be guilty of deriding other believers and justifying our own positions. This is a dangerous path that can lead to the disintegration of the unity in the body of Christ and securing a self-righteous position.
I am not for compromise whatsoever. Without the doubt anything that the Bible states clearly, we have not been given permission to dilute or sugarcoat it. However, in some instances it is the issue of how we apply the Word of God rather than the actual scriptures.
In applying the Word of God, we all should be students in the laboratory of life. If we remain teachable and humble, we can learn from each other and from those that we are trying to reach.
As a teacher, I need to know how my students absorb the material and should make an attempt to reach students with different learning modality. One size doesn’t fit all! We all can learn what makes people more receptive to the truth.
Jesus told the Pharisees that they were too busy justifying themselves. We as Christians cannot operate like carnal lawyers whose main goal is to be right. We can win the battle but lose the war. In the process we may gain a momentary satisfaction but lose a relationship with a person because we were too busy justifying our position.
I will continue with this subject in the next devotional.
And the people waited for Zacharias, and marveled that he lingered so long in the temple. But when he came out, he could not speak to them; and they perceived that he had seen a vision in the temple, for he beckoned to them and remained speechless.
So it was, as soon as the days of his service were completed, that he departed to his own house. Now after those days his wife Elizabeth conceived; and she hid herself five months, saying, “Thus the Lord has dealt with me, in the days when He looked on me, to take away my reproach among people.”
Luke 1:21-25
Zacharias remained mute and his wife became pregnant after the angel’s announcement. After Elizabeth became pregnant, she hid herself for five months. Why now? God had taken her reproach by allowing her to get pregnant. Why would she need to hide herself now!?
When we look at the accounts of various individuals in the Bible, it seems that after God delivered a prophetic word to them, they were sent into hiding for a season. Moses was hidden a couple of times. Joseph was sold into slavery. Esther’s identity was hidden for a purpose. Jesus was hidden by being taken away from danger of being slaughtered as a baby boy.
The season of hiding has a great purpose. This is the season of provision, protection, and preparation. In the season of hiding, we shut the door to distractions, doubt, and opinions of others that are harmful to the work of God!
This reminds of the story of the Elisha and the widow where God’s provision came in a unique way. For details see 2 Kings 4: 1-7. The prophet of God told the widow how she was going to get her provision. She was going to borrow jars from the neighbors and fill them with oil. This caused her to have enough oil to sell, pay off debt, and live off of it.
The widow had to shut the door and do what the prophet told her. She was shutting the door to the naysayers and to doubt. It would have been easy for a neighbor or a friend to stop by and wonder what she was doing with the jars. That provision didn’t make any sense naturally.
Sometimes we need to shut the door to the doubts in our heads. At other times we need to shut the door to trying to explain to others what God is doing. Sometimes we try to defend our promise or provision from God. It is best to just get alone with God and continue to do what He has asked us to do even when it doesn’t make sense.
Elizabeth remained in hiding for five months and during this time the baby grew. After this period of time, she was able to physically show that she was really pregnant, and it was not just a weight gain or wishful expectation. In those five months, the door was shut to doubt and unbelief until the word of the Lord took root in her and showed to the world that God’s promise was true!
Sometimes our environment causes discouragement. Our family members and friends may not have the clarity or the conviction about what God is doing in our lives. Has the Lord asked you to shut the door to anything that denies His work in you? Let’s choose today to shut the door and remain in faith. We can choose to continue to nurture and trust His word in us regardless of who/what is around us.
How would you respond if the Lord spoke to you today about something you had been praying about for years!? Would you receive it with hope and expectation or doubt and uncertainty?
Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing on the right side of the altar of incense. And when Zacharias saw him, he was troubled, and fear fell upon him.
But the angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zacharias, for your prayer is heard; and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you shall call his name John. And you will have joy and gladness, and many will rejoice at his birth. For he will be great in the sight of the Lord, and shall drink neither wine nor strong drink. He will also be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother’s womb. And he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God. He will also go before Him in the spirit and power of Elijah, ‘to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”
And Zacharias said to the angel, “How shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife is well advanced in years.”
And the angel answered and said to him, “I am Gabriel, who stands in the presence of God, and was sent to speak to you and bring you these glad tidings. But behold, you will be mute and not able to speak until the day these things take place, because you did not believe my words which will be fulfilled in their own time.” Luke 1:11-20
Zacharias was met by the angel Gabriel while burning incense at the temple.The angel told him that God had heard his prayer. The angel announced that he and his wife were going to have a son. This child was going to be the forerunner to the Messiah. However Zacharias didn’t believe the angel because he and Elizabeth were old.
We have a tendency to pray like Zacharias did. At first we have great faith, and we are hoping and believing God for it. However, over the years, our prayers change faces a few times. We eventually come to the place that we either stop praying about it or our prayers are monotonous and obligatory. Over time, we lose hope that anything is going to change. Truth be told, at the beginning we saw ourselves capable of helping God, so we were more hopeful. Now that the years have passed, our faith in this area has gone by the wayside right along with our ability, energy, and stamina.
Zacharias became mute at one of the most crucial times in his life because he didn’t believe. The people were waiting outside to hear the news of his special experience of burning incense, but he could not speak to them at all. Zacharias lost the opportunity to tell people of the greatness of God and his amazing angelic visitation!
When we begin to doubt, we become mute in the spirit. We can’t speak boldly for God. Our faith can’t stir up someone else’s faith. We may even say the right words, but the power and the passion aren’t there because we don’t believe the words we are sharing with others.
Praise God that Elizabeth’s conception didn’t depend on Zacharias faith level; it only depended on God, and so she conceived. We have faith in a God who is unchanging and faithful. His promises are yes and amen. Our faith doesn’t make Him faithful; it just causes us to have peace and joy in times of uncertainty.
The Lord is blowing fresh winds of change, and He wants us to believe that things are going to change. Let’s partner with Him today and take Him at His word!
Thank you Lord for the change of seasons, and for your plans and purposes. Forgive us when we have doubted you. We choose to believe you and remain faithful to you!
What is your response to barrenness?
There was in the days of Herod, the king of Judea, a certain priest named Zacharias, of the division of Abijah. His wife was of the daughters of Aaron, and her name was Elizabeth. And they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless. But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and they were both well advanced in years. Luke 1:5-7
The scripture tells us that both Zachariah and his wife Elizabeth were righteous people and walked with God blamelessly. However, they had no children, and now they were advanced in years.
I wonder if Zechariah and Elizabeth had stopped praying for children because they were now too old. The scripture doesn’t state that God had promised a child to them as He did to Abraham and Sara. What would have been the point of hoping for something that was not necessarily promised to them!?
Children have always been considered a blessing and a reward for a righteous person especially in that era and culture. Elizabeth must have felt the shame of being barren while living righteously.
People, generally have different reactions/thoughts to these tough situations. One response could be, “Why has God cursed this couple for not having children? What did they do wrong? Do they have secret sin?”. Another response could be, “Is God just and fair? Will He bless them somehow? Is He trustworthy?”.
Are there areas in your life that are barren? Have you wondered, “What is wrong with me?”. Have you stopped hoping or praying because it seems too late? Do you believe God for others but not for your own situation?
You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, And praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; And My people shall never be put to shame. Joel 2:26
I love this scripture! It is full of hope and expectation for all of us regardless of the areas of barrenness in our lives! The best response is the response of hope in the midst of not having an answer for all the “why”s.
I have some beautiful friends who have served God faithfully for decades, and they still hope to be married and/or have children. Sometimes, it’s hard to know how to pray for them. The good news is that they have not stopped serving God and walking faithfully with Him. God will still be God. We will not understand everything, but He sees all things including the longing of our hearts.
I will continue with this subject and the life changing experience that Zacharias and Elizabeth encountered in the next devotional.
Who will speak up for the right of an unborn baby? Who will stand up for the child whose parents may be at the verge of divorce? Who will support a single mother who needs a place to live but doesn’t have good credit to rent a place? Who will stand up for the man who has been falsely accused? Who speak out against injustice?
Open your mouth for the speechless, In the cause of all who are appointed to die. Open your mouth, judge righteously, And plead the cause of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:8-9 (NKJV)
Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy. Proverbs 31:8-9 (NIV)
Speechless (According to Strong’s Dictionary): mute, silent, dumb, unable to speak
There are times in life that God allows us to be speechless. Sometimes we are speechless out of fear of a situation. At other times, we are so appalled by seeing something. If we were to speak about the situation, words of death would come out of our mouths. Sometimes, we are speechless because we have been touched by the majesty of God to such a depth that there are no words to describe it.
There is another type of being speechless which is a state of being. It is the place where someone doesn’t have the power, the position, or the ability to speak for themselves. The above scripture is about King Lemuel ‘s mother instructing her son to handle his kingly duties well.
When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice; But when a wicked man rules, the people groan. Proverbs 29:2
King Lemuel’s mother is encouraging her son to be a righteous king. If he ruled well then people can feel safe and rejoice in their king. If he ruled with cruelty then people would be oppressed to the point of groaning. Kingship is a powerful position which can bring life or death. How it is stewarded is the key to the health of the environment created.
We are called to be kings and priests to our God (Revelation 5:10). As kings we have the privilege and the responsibility to speak up for those who are voiceless and are appointed to die. They may die physically, emotionally, spiritually, or their reputation may be at stake.
Throughout history the leaders who stood out among all others were those who were willing to fight for injustice and the oppressed and not cave in to the status quo of the system.
Jesus spoke up in His time and stood up for those mistreated. An average Israelite was under oppression from both the Roman government as well as their own religious leaders. Many times Jesus challenged the religious establishment because they should have known better.
Who is oppressed among you? Who is poor and needy? Who needs to be reached out to? Whose need should be taken into account when a decision is made that will impact someone greatly? Who needs compassion and empathy instead of judgment? Who has been pushed aside that needs to be reached out to? Who needs to be defended who has been falsely accused?
Self perseveration will cause to be more concerned about being part of the system, and it will lead people to groan. However, if we are willing to stand for the voiceless we may internally groan for a while, but it pleases God and it blesses the people who are oppressed.
Are you willing to speak up for the speechless/voiceless? Count the cost. You will lose some things or people but God is pleased!
For Abraham, leaving his home country and family wasn’t a pioneering expedition; it was just obedience to his God! This may not seem to be very significant nowadays because of our independence and ease of access to our loved ones. However, none of today’s privileges and conveniences were available to Abraham or his family. Abraham lived in a world where such actions were not celebrated.
The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.
2 “I will make you into a great nation,
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.
3 I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you.”
4 So Abram went, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Harran. Genesis 12:1-4
In those days and in that culture leaving your home would not have had the positive connotations that it has now. First of all, he was a firstborn son, which meant his family would have looked to him for care and carrying the family name.
Secondly, Abraham’s family was well established. He had no intention of being adventurous. He was stepping out into the unknown out of obedience to God. He had no goals or ambitions that were driving him to be away from his homeland. His departure would have meant that he would not be able to see the people he left behind for the rest of his life!
How do we know it is time to move on from a commitment?
We all have a desire to be faithful to God. How can we be sure that we are moved out of faithfulness to God rather than our own selfishness?
The account of Abraham and the Prodigal son story (in Luke 15:11-32) give us a glimpse in the difference between following the finger of God rather than following the desires of self.
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God spoke to Abraham about his departure, but the Prodigal Son was led by his own desires.
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Abraham was already seventy-five years old. He had no ambitions for freedom and adventure. The Prodigal Son was young and selfish.
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Abraham didn’t have to leave to become a father of many nations when he could have had a child where he was. He leaned on God not on his own understanding. On the other hand, the Prodigal Son had no promise from God. He just had the hopes of being an independent male adult living it up with his portion of the wealth. He leaned on his own understanding and what he could see with his natural eyes.
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Abraham and the Prodigal son both went through hard times, but God’s grace was with Abraham. He never wondered if he should go back. The Prodigal Son’s situation went from bad to worse to the point of desiring to return to his father’s house as a servant.
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The fruit of Abraham’s life shows obedience to God and an affirmation of God’s promises in His life. The fruit of Prodigal son’s life showed the destructive nature of selfishness and sin and the pathetic state that he was left at.
The good news is that the Prodigal son’s situation was redeemed when he came to his senses. If we have made mistakes in moving on our own desires, God’s forgiveness and redemption is available to put us back on the right track again.
Lord, help us to make commitments out of faithfulness to you. Help us to discern when you are asking us to move on from a commitment. We want to remain faithful to you regardless of the difficulty of the assignment.
I searched for the word commitment in several translations, and I could not find it. However, the words that are used readily are faithfulness and obedience. It is important to differentiate between commitment and faithfulness.
We begin our spiritual walk with confessing that we are sinners, and we make a decision to follow Jesus in all aspects of life. This commitment begins our walk with God.
As we begin to walk with the Lord, He teaches us to become faithful people. Faithfulness is one of the characteristics of the Fruit of the Spirit. Sometimes we mistake commitment with faithfulness. Faithfulness to God is the backdrop of any commitment we make to people!
The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.
2 “I will make you into a great nation,
and I will bless you;
I will make your name great,
and you will be a blessing.
3 I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you.”
4 So Abram went, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Harran. Genesis 12:1-4
Abraham was a faithful man. When the Lord asked Him to leave His family and go to a place where he had never been before, he was willing to trust God and obey Him. He remained faithful to the Lord but not necessarily committed to staying with his family for the rest of his life.
Commitment is the by-product of faithfulness. It is tied to our assignment. For example, when we make a covenant to be married, the commitment is for a lifetime. However, there are other assignments such as a friendship or a place to live that could be a commitment for a season of life but not necessarily a lifetime commitment!
We stay committed for so long as the Lord has asked us to stay committed. When He asks us to move on from an assignment or a relationship, then our faithfulness will lead us to obey and move on.
If we are too focused on being committed, we may remain in a certain situation but not remain faithful to God! If Abraham had not been faithful to God, he may not have experienced the fulfillment of God’s purposes and promises in his life. The Lord promised Abraham long ago that all the nations were going to be blessed through him, and we are all beneficiaries of Abraham’s faithfulness.
I will continue with this subject in the next devotional.
