I have been observing various discussions on social media lately as to whether it’s important to attend a local church or not. There are many who still believe attending the church is an important part of the life of a believer. However, some are for the idea of giving up going to church altogether. Others find it more comfortable to attend a home gathering with only a small group of like-minded people for the purpose of support and fellowship. They believe that as long as two or more are gathered Jesus has promised to be there.
From my own personal experience, I have found that most people leave the church because of hurt and disappointments. They may have had a fall out with one or more church members specifically the leaders within the particular church they were part of.
I will examine this issue by looking at three factors: Expectations, church culture, and the Biblical role of the church in the life of a believer.
Unmet Expectations
Generally unmet expectations cause hurt and disappointment. When we are disappointed, we either feel sorry for ourselves and/or get angry at someone else for not meeting our needs. We don’t usually question our expectations and line them up to scripture to see if they have any validity. As a believer, the word of God is our plumb line. That’s the only way that we know if our thoughts and expectations are in line with truth or not. If our expectations are not Biblical, then we will set ourselves up for unnecessary heartache and disappointment.
A man who has friends must himself be friendly, Proverbs 18:24a
Some people are disappointed for not feeling connected to others. It is not an easy task in this day and age to connect to others because there are many competing interests in people’s lives. Believers just like the rest of the world juggle many balls all at one time. If someone reaches out to us, it’s a great blessing, but it can’t be the only way we are going to get connected. Connection to others will require time, consistency, and a risk to reach out to others.
There was a long season when I was waiting for people to reach out to me. My kids were young during that time, so I expected those whose kids were older to reach out to me and my two toddlers. Those were lonely years that caused much unnecessary rejection in my life. I didn’t have the option of running to my natural family for connection. I had just lost my mother when I was eight months pregnant with my first child. I also did not feel led to leave the church because of it.
God used those tough years to deal with my rejection issue and helped me to be delivered from it to a great degree. Over time, I developed relationships with people inside the church as well as parents from my kids’ school. I began forming friendships that are still valuable to me. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I am so glad that I didn’t give up on God or on people. I have learned not to wait until someone reaches out to me and not to take things personally.
praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved. Acts 2:47
Those of us who are established in a body have a responsibility to reach out to those who aren’t connected yet. Sunday mornings should be a time to reach out to others rather than catching up with friends. If we are going to win people to Christ, we need to learn to be inclusive of others. I have learned to reach out to others and include others for there could some who feel the way I used to. It hurts me when I hear people left a church because no one cared about them. Sometimes people look like they have it altogether, but it doesn’t mean they don’t have a need for fellowship and connection.
I will continue with this subject in the next devotional.
Great article. I truly believe people have chosen not to belong to a church because of hurt by leaders and fellow members. But I also believe it has just become an excuse out of pure laziness.
Praise God!Thank you.
Wonderful writeup Karline. The true biblical precedent is to not forsake ourselves to assembling, both in the church and in cell groups, its not an either/or. I think the major root problems are submission to authority, and having proper motives in coming to church. People often have tainted belief systems. Acknowledge me, love me, meet my needs. Problem is that it is about me. The church should be caring for the sheep, but the other factor is believers are to receive truth so they can grow in the doctrines of God. The church is not a place for entertainment, but receiving the Word of the Lord, so their life can change and have fellowship with other believers. We need other people to grow in God, it’s not just a vertical relationship with God. A person will struggle if they don’t get the horizontal and the vertical emphasis. We are to care and pray for people that are hurting, however it also sometimes comes to a point where people have to want to get healed. There is a part the church can play but there is a part the believer must play. When both work together, then you can see the church operate in its fullness.
Praise God! Thank you. Yes, I will be addressing some of the issues you are bringing up in the next couple of devotionals.