Rejection comes from different sources. Most of the time, the rejection has come from family members and friends. Those who are supposed to love and accept us can create the most damage. The scripture shows us that people react to rejection in different ways.
In his book Victory Over the Darkness, Dr. Neil Anderson states that people react to rejection in three different ways: beat the system, give in to the system, or rebel against the system. Each of those approaches brings about more rejection, and the cycle of rejection continues.
Beat the System
So Rebekah spoke to Jacob her son, saying, “Indeed I heard your father speak to Esau your brother, saying, ‘Bring me game and make savory food for me, that I may eat it and bless you in the presence of the Lord before my death.’ Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to what I command you. Go now to the flock and bring me from there two choice kids of the goats, and I will make savory food from them for your father, such as he loves. Then you shall take it to your father, that he may eat it, and that he may bless you before his death.” Genesis 26:6-10
Jacob was not a favorite of his father Isaac. It was Esau that the father favored. Favoritism could have brought about rejection in both Jacob and Esau’s life since they each were favored by one parent and not favored by the other.
Those who deal with rejection by beating the system develop a very competitive nature. They try to control and manipulate people to get their way. Jacob was an example of someone who continually beat the system. Jacob’s mother already had a prophecy that the older was going to serve the younger (See Genesis 25:22-23), but that did not stop Rebecca. She and Jacob plotted to deceive Isaac to ensure that Jacob was going to get Esau’s blessings.
Those who want to beat the system focus on reaching their goal with no regard to how they achieve it. Their achievement gives them a temporary sense of significance. However, when their lies and manipulation are exposed, they feel fearful and ashamed. This begins the cycle of more deceit and manipulation, so they can regain the respect and acceptance of others. This kind of behavior brings about great rejection from family, friends, and coworkers because no one likes to be cheated or deceived by others.
Are you an ambitious person? Are you willing to push through to get your way? Do you tend to be competitive in relationships? Or have you been taken advantage of? Have you been subject of those who have manipulated you?
We need to do the hard work of refraining from short-cuts or trying to make things happen our way or in our timing. We also need to say no in desiring to impress others or striving to gain their attention. Once we recognize that we have believed a lie to deal with our rejection issues, we must renounce the lie. We need to ask the Lord for forgiveness for trying to create false acceptance through competition, manipulation, or control. He is faithful to forgive us and give us new chances. God’s acceptance of us is far more valuable than any sense of identity we can receive by trying to beat the system or impressing others.
If you have been subject of manipulation, forgive those individuals and make some space to re-evaluate your relationship.