Insecurities make us rely on others’ approval to gauge our value and worth. They also create unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. This makes a fragile system for our sense of wellbeing because there is no room for failure, mistake, or weakness. The higher our expectations of ourselves and others, the greater chance of being let down, which in turn feeds the monster of insecurity.
Insecurities have an all-or-nothing nature. We either feel great about ourselves and think everyone loves us or a couple of adverse interactions can take us down the pit of feeling completely unlovable. Because insecurity feeds on man’s approval and praise, we are in the danger of trying to be man-pleasing in order to gain/maintain others’ approval. This has the potential to create all sorts of unhealthy relationships.
When Jesus heard about Lazarus’ condition, He stayed two more days before going to Judea (See John 11). He cared about his friend, but He was led by the Lord’s timing. As a result, when He arrived, Mary and Martha seemed disappointed because if He had been there earlier, Lazarus may have still been alive. However, the Lord had a plan of raising him back to life. If Jesus had been concerned about the family’s feelings, He would have circumvented God’s plan in revealing His Kingdom.
Our insecurities can drive us to make compromises to ensure that we remain in good standing in certain relationships. The truth is that if we are focused on pleasing someone or some group, we will miss out on the Lord’s voice and direction. We cannot please God and expect to please men consistently.
or do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ. Galatians 1:10
Apostle Paul is a good example of a man well-liked and respected by his group of countrymen. He was diligent in his role as a Pharisee to the point of persecuting the church. Those around him approved of his behavior, and, most likely, he received a lot of praise for his aggression against the church. However, when Jesus revealed Himself to him, his life completely changed. Apostle Paul saw all those accolades and praises as a loss compared to the surpassing knowledge of Jesus Christ and Him crucified. His sense of security in God’s great love paled in comparison to what man could give him by their temporary and shallow applauses.
The scriptures clearly teach us that our allegiance to Christ will cost us relationships. We cannot please everyone nor should we attempt to do so. Our focus should be what God desires for us to do. Sometimes what the Lord asks us to do will not be pleasing to some, which can make us feel insecure. However, we cannot truly please God and follow Him if we are overly concerned about what others will think of us or how they will feel about our decisions.
The health of our relationships is dependent on how secure we are. The more secure we are in Jesus and what He asks us to do, the healthier our relationships. That may mean that you are not going to get as close to someone as they like. It may also mean that you choose not to participate in gossip because others feel closer to you when they gossip about others. We are called to develop relationships that remain Biblical and healthy. Do you have proper boundaries in your relationships that don’t change regardless of the person!?
Insecurity is something that we need to face and address regularly to ensure we can truly be followers of Christ and not give in to the pressure of pleasing others for the sake of not losing them. Sometimes to deal with insecurity, we need to face and accept the possibility of others’ disapproval. We need to ask the Lord to give us the courage to handle rejection/disapproval when it comes. To maintain our spiritual and emotional wellbeing, we need to be delivered from any fear of disapproval that holds us hostage in its grip and causes us to lose our peace and joy in Christ.
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