Lack of peace can produce strife
Better is a dry morsel with quietness, Than a house full of feasting with strife. Proverbs 17:1
Sometimes people have their internal struggles such as insecurities or false expectations that causes them to have an internal strife. They have no peace, so they cause strife in their relationships with others. This is a spiritual issue first. If this is your pattern, confess it to the Lord. You can also confess it to someone else (James 5:16) and ask Him to heal your heart condition. Chances are even if you win a debate or a disagreement, that will not keep you satisfied because it is a matter of time before another disagreement comes along.
Mis-handling offenses causes strife
Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.? As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, So is a contentious man to kindle strife? Proverbs 26:20-22
A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends.? Proverbs 16:28
Sometimes strife is caused in relationships because people do not follow the mandate of Matthew 18:15. They decide to talk about their offense to someone other than the offender. They can portray the offense as a need for wisdom or prayer. Now, people who were not part of the offense are poisoned and gossip is spread. Strife and division becomes the by-product of an offense that was fueled by the fire of gossip. This could have easily been stopped if the offense had been handled through the Biblical protocol.
Our relationships regardless of how close they are, cannot negate God’s mandate on how to deal with offenses. He has not given us the permission to cause strife by sharing information with people who were not part of the offense. As the scripture tells us, strife will cause relational fires that can burn down relationships, families, companies or churches. We are called to put out fires not kindle the fire of strife, contention, anger, or hatred.
Being religious fuels strife
Indeed you fast for strife and debate, And to strike with the fist of wickedness. You will not fast as you do this day, To make your voice heard on high.? Isaiah 58:4
God was not pleased with His people because even in their fasting, they did not cease from striving, being harsh, mistreating people, or from arguing. The fasting actually increased strife because it gave them another reason to feel superior or more mature compared to others. They were just fasting as a nice religious tradition to parade their self-righteousness before others. They did not see their own need to cry out to God for mercy or to deal with people mercifully.
Favoritism stirs up strife
When we look at the Biblical Characters such as Esau and Jacob, and Joseph and his brothers, we see there was strife between the siblings. One major reason for the strife was because the parents favored one child over the other ones.
It‘s easy to say favoritism is wrong if we are on the side of not being favored. The question is,” What do we do if we are the favored one? Do we just enjoy the benefits of it without considering its impact on those around us?” While God’s plan for Jacob and Joseph was not thwarted, they still paid a painful price by being separated for years from their loved ones because they were favored by their parents. Is your favoritism causing strife in your relationships?
Whenever we find ourselves striving, it should be a flag for our soul that something isn’t right. We need to pay attention to what is going on inside of us. Others may not be innocent of striving, but we can’t put out fire with fire. The one who is willing to die to self and not feel the need to win the argument can allow the Holy Spirit to pour water over the fire of strife and let it cease in Jesus’ name.