The Right Friendships (Part II)


The scriptures give us much guidance in having and maintaining the right kind of friendships.

Don’t make ungodly commitments

A man devoid of understanding shakes hands in a pledge, and becomes surety for his friend. Proverbs  17:18

One of the things we need to be cautious of is not to create ungodly agreements with our friends. The concept of surety in Bible is similar cosigning for someone in this day and age. The scripture tells us that just because someone is our friend, we do not violate God’s principles to meet our friends’ needs. Surety, or cosigning, makes us responsible for someone else’s debt, which is an ungodly agreement. If they happen not to afford to pay their debt, then it becomes our responsibility to pay it. Basically, we have made ourselves responsible for something that we have very little control over, and it keeps us in a vulnerable financial position. We may love our friend very much, but we still need to operate in a good understanding of biblical principles and not do something ungodly for friendship sake.

The above scripture also helps us to maintain good friendships without allowing financial issues to cause division or conflict in the relationship.

Be willing to do the hard work

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.  Proverbs 27:6

As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17

While having intimate friendships is very enjoyable, there are times that we need to do the hard work of telling each other the truth or be willing to receive truth in some area of our lives. This could hurt for a season. It may feel like we are cut by our dear friend, but we must remind ourselves that our friend loves us and wants the best for us. I would rather have the truth that hurts from a friend than a word of flattery that can keep me in ignorance or deception.

Friends have a great vantage point in our lives to share what they see. Others may feel,” It’s not my business” or” I don’t know them enough to tell them what I see”, but friends have the relationship and the access to speak the truth. Sometimes it takes a risk to do this because it may affect your friendship, but it’s worth taking the risk. If the friendship can’t handle speaking the truth in love, then is it a solid relationship!?

Give friendships time to be tested

No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. John 15:15

Jesus walked with His disciples for 3 ½ years before He called them friends. There were many things that He couldn’t share with them at first. There were times that when He shared truth with them, they misunderstood Him. Peter one time really got it wrong and told Jesus that He wasn’t going to go the cross! However, after having spent a good deal of time with the disciples, Jesus calls them friends. He told them that He has made known to them everything He heard from the Father.

We need to allow time for our friendships to be tested. Given enough time, we will go through the times of misunderstandings, disagreement, discussion, or debates. This gives us the opportunity to see how we and our friends respond to each situation. When we give our friendships enough time to be tested, it protects us from disappointment. We Recognize that while we really enjoy and love our friends, unless the friendships have been tested, we don’t know where our friendships will stand on the other side of a test!


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