Healthy relationships require healthy boundaries! While developing boundaries in a boundary-less relationship will cause some pain and discomfort, it is necessary for all parties involved.
1. Determine your sphere of responsibility
We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the sphere of service God himself has assigned to us, a sphere that also includes you. 2 Corinthians 10:13
Sphere (according to Strong’s Dictionary): a definitely bounded or fixed space within the limits of which one’s power of influence is confined, one’s sphere of activity.
Developing healthy boundaries begin with understanding our sphere of responsibility and what God is going to hold us accountable to. Some of the examples of our responsibilities are: our body, our spiritual growth, our finances, our marriage, and our children under 18 years of age.
Some examples of areas which are not are responsibility are as follows: our adult children living on their own, others’ marriages and families, friends’ struggles, the quality of others’ spirituality, service, or work.
Some of the responsibilities are shared ones in which two or more people have to be willing to do the work such as marriage or friendship. In those cases, God will hold us accountable to our part. If our focus is the results, it will cause stress and the need to control. The joint responsibilities require much prayer.
2. Set boundaries for yourself
Sometimes when the issue of boundaries is discussed, we can quickly think about our spouse, boss, or friends and how we wished they had healthier boundaries. The truth is that we cannot change people, but we can change our interactions with people! The transformation will come when we are willing to do the hard work of setting boundaries for ourselves.
In order to set boundaries for ourselves, we need to think about being on the giving and the receiving end in a relationship. On the receiving end, we don’t allow others to overstep our space spiritually, emotionally, or physically. This can cause great deal of turmoil and fear in our hearts. However, if we are going to be healthy in relationships, we need to learn to say “no” and be ready for the other person to cut off the relationship or privileges. How valuable is the “true you” to you?
On the giving end, we show self-control by honoring other people’s space and try not to be overpowering or overbearing. This also includes not manipulating others by our assistance or the gifts we give them. This is hard for controlling people. They may feel weak or powerless. It can also frustrate those who are results oriented. The truth is that we should not have power to exert control over someone else’s life and decisions anyway.
In our adult interactions, we influence people by how we live our lives rather than telling others how they should live! Overtime, if someone respects us, they may ask for our input. Once we have given our input then we’re done. We need to surrender the person or the situation to the Lord. Trusting God is the key in this process! The Lord is working on them, and He will do a better job in handling their lives than we ever could.
I will continue on the subject of developing healthy boundaries in the next devotional.
